CUPERTINO, CA - In what can only be described as a groundbreaking leap in antisocial technology, Apple has unveiled the iPhone 17, complete with a revolutionary Excuse Generator. This feature, powered by the company's latest AI, Siri's sarcastic cousin, promises to handle all those pesky incoming calls with automated responses that are equal parts witty and evasive. No more fumbling for reasons why you can't talk—your phone's got your back, or rather, your avoidance tactics.

According to Apple's keynote, presented by a hologram of Steve Jobs who looked suspiciously like he was phoning it in, the Excuse Generator uses machine learning to craft personalized alibis based on your contacts and past behavior. Got a call from your boss? It'll text back, "Sorry, I'm currently wrestling a bear in the wilderness—signal's spotty." Friend calling for the umpteenth time? "Can't talk, I'm in a top-secret meeting with aliens discussing world domination." It's like having a personal comedy writer in your pocket, minus the writer's strike demands.

Critics are already hailing this as the ultimate tool for introverts everywhere. "Finally, a device that understands the true value of solitude," said one anonymous reviewer who declined our interview request via an automated excuse. But not everyone's thrilled. Relationship experts warn that over-reliance on AI excuses could lead to a epidemic of ghosting, where people vanish from social circles faster than a magician's assistant. Apple's response? "We're just innovating human interaction—or the lack thereof."

The feature isn't without its Easter eggs. Beta testers report that for persistent callers, the Excuse Generator escalates to absurd levels, like claiming you're "stuck in a time loop from 1999 and can't escape until you master the Macarena." And for those exes who won't take a hint? It deploys classics like "I'm on a submarine mission to find Atlantis—reception is underwater." Apple assures users that all excuses are PG-13, steering clear of anything that might get you in real trouble, like admitting you're just binge-watching cat videos.

Of course, privacy concerns abound. Does Apple store your excuse history? Will it sell data on your avoidance patterns to advertisers? Tim Cook dodged questions with his own excuse: "I'm late for a yoga class with llamas." Meanwhile, competitors like Samsung are scrambling to catch up, rumored to be developing a "Blame the Battery" feature that auto-rejects calls by pretending your phone is dead—even when it's at 100%.

In a world where social anxiety is at an all-time high, the iPhone 17's Excuse Generator might just be the hero we didn't know we needed. Or perhaps it's enabling a generation of hermits. Either way, pre-orders are through the roof, with fans lining up virtually to avoid actual lines. Because why face the world when your phone can do the dodging for you?

Stay tuned for more updates from Not Necessarily The News, where we report on tech that's too good—or too ridiculous—to be true. Remember, in the age of AI, your best friend might just be the one who helps you ignore everyone else.