In a shocking confession that's shaking the foundations of American rhetoric, President Joe Biden's ghostwriter has come clean: those eloquent State of the Union addresses? Yeah, they're basically what happens when you let your iPhone's autocorrect run the show. Anonymous sources (because who wants to be named in this mess?) say the president's speeches start as hasty thumb-typed notes on his smartphone, only to be hijacked by overzealous predictive text.

Picture this: Biden's trying to type 'build back better,' but autocorrect flips it to 'build back butter.' Next thing you know, we're all debating national policy on dairy subsidies. The ghostwriter, who we'll call 'Ty Po' for anonymity, admitted in a leaked memo that he's been too busy dodging press calls to proofread. 'It's not plagiarism,' Ty Po insisted. 'It's innovation through error.'

Take the famous line about 'unity in diversity.' Turns out, that was supposed to be 'unite in adversity,' but autocorrect thought it knew better. And don't get us started on foreign policy gems like 'peace in the Middle Yeast' – a clear botch of 'Middle East' that led to bizarre bakery aid packages to conflict zones. White House insiders claim this explains why Biden sometimes pauses mid-speech, as if questioning his own words.

Critics are having a field day. One Republican senator quipped, 'If autocorrect is writing policy, maybe we should elect Siri instead.' Even Democrats are whispering about an intervention – perhaps switching to Android for less aggressive suggestions. But supporters argue it's a feature, not a bug: 'Autocorrect adds that human touch... or inhuman, whatever.'

The revelation has sparked a national debate on technology's role in governance. Should presidents be required to use typewriters? Or maybe just hire actual writers who aren't relying on algorithms? Ty Po defended his methods, saying, 'Look, in a world of fake news, at least autocorrect is authentically mistaken.'

As the story unfolds, one thing's clear: next time Biden talks about 'climate change,' we might want to check if he meant 'climb it, strange.' America's discourse just got a whole lot more unpredictable – and unintentionally hilarious.