Washington, D.C. – In what White House aides are calling 'just another Tuesday,' President Joe Biden reportedly wandered into a crucial foreign policy briefing and declared the Oval Office to be his favorite ice cream parlor. Sources say the 81-year-old commander-in-chief plopped down at the Resolute Desk, eyed the assembled diplomats suspiciously, and demanded to know where the sprinkles were for his 'foreign policy sundae.'
The mix-up allegedly began when Biden, fresh from a nap, mistook a map of the Middle East for a menu board. 'I'll have two scoops of vanilla sanctions on Iran, with a cherry on top for Ukraine aid,' he reportedly announced, leaving the Secretary of State blinking in confusion. World leaders on the video call, including a bemused Emmanuel Macron, tried to steer the conversation back to trade tariffs, but Biden was adamant: 'No nuts? What kind of parlor is this?'
Insiders reveal that this isn't the first time Biden's love for frozen treats has derailed diplomacy. Last month, during a NATO summit, he allegedly confused the alliance's acronym with 'Neapolitan And Toffee Overload,' proposing a new defense pact flavored with caramel. 'It's all about layering the defenses, like a good parfait,' he explained to a room of stone-faced generals.
Critics from the opposition were quick to pounce, with one senator tweeting, 'While Biden's busy with brain freeze, America's enemies are plotting real freezes – like on our assets!' Supporters, however, defended the gaffe as a 'refreshing take' on international relations. 'Who wouldn't want sprinkles on their treaties? It makes everything sweeter,' quipped a Democratic strategist.
As the meeting wrapped up, Biden reportedly high-fived a confused aide and shuffled off, muttering about needing more hot fudge for the border wall. White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre later clarified that the president was 'just joking' and that all foreign policy decisions are made with the utmost seriousness – and perhaps a side of whipped cream.
In a follow-up statement, the administration assured the public that Biden's cognitive faculties are as sharp as ever, pointing to his flawless recitation of ice cream flavors during a recent press conference. 'Rocky Road? That's what our opponents are on,' he beamed, before pivoting to climate change – or was it mint chocolate chip?
Meanwhile, late-night comedians are having a field day, with one host joking that Biden's next State of the Union address might come with a cone. As America watches, the question remains: Will sweet tooth diplomacy melt under pressure, or will it stick like caramel on a hot day?