WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking display of unity that has left political pundits speechless, Congress has passed the 'Pizza Unity Act,' mandating Pizza Fridays in the Capitol building. The bill sailed through both chambers with overwhelming support, proving that nothing brings Americans together quite like a hot slice of pie. Lawmakers from both sides of the aisle were seen high-fiving over stacks of delivery boxes, temporarily forgetting about budgets, borders, and basically everything else.

The origins of this groundbreaking legislation trace back to a late-night session where hunger pangs reportedly overpowered partisan bickering. 'We were arguing about healthcare when someone suggested ordering pizza,' said Senator Chuck 'The Chuckster' Johnson (R-TX). 'Suddenly, we all agreed on extra cheese. It was a eureka moment!' The act stipulates that every Friday, the Capitol cafeteria must serve an assortment of pizzas, with toppings chosen via bipartisan committee to ensure no one feels left out – unless you're gluten-free, in which case, tough luck.

Democrats hailed the move as a step toward inclusivity, with Representative Maria 'Toppings Queen' Gonzalez (D-CA) declaring, 'Pepperoni for the people, by the people!' Republicans countered that it's about fiscal responsibility, noting that pizza is cheaper than therapy for divided lawmakers. Even the most die-hard opponents found common ground; one anonymous source whispered, 'I hate my colleagues, but I love Hawaiian pizza – and that's enough to build a bridge.'

Critics, however, argue that this is just another half-baked idea from Washington. Nutritionists warn of rising cholesterol levels among elected officials, potentially leading to a 'heart attack on the Hill.' Meanwhile, vegan activists are protesting outside, demanding tofu-based alternatives. 'This is discrimination against plant-eaters!' shouted one protester, waving a sign that read 'Kale Over Crust.'

Supporters point to early data showing a 20% drop in filibusters on Fridays, replaced by friendly debates over thin crust versus deep dish. The White House has even jumped on board, with the President tweeting, 'Pizza Fridays? Now that's a policy I can get behind. #MakeAmericaCheesyAgain.' Plans are already in motion to expand the program nationwide, starting with mandatory pizza breaks in schools and offices.

As the nation digests this news, one thing is clear: in a world of division, pizza might just be the ultimate peacemaker. Or at least, it'll keep everyone too full to fight. Stay tuned for updates, and remember, in politics, as in pizza, it's all about the dough.