DALLAS, TX – The streets of Dallas were alive with confetti, cheers, and cognitive dissonance today as the Dallas Cowboys held a massive victory parade despite being absolutely obliterated in their latest game by a staggering 40 points. Team owner Jerry Jones, sporting a grin wider than the point differential, led the procession in a custom float shaped like a giant asterisk, proclaiming, 'Who needs points when you've got heart? And by heart, I mean our massive marketing budget.'

Fans, undeterred by the humiliating defeat, turned out in droves, waving signs that read 'Scoreboard Is Fake News' and 'We Won in the Multiverse.' One enthusiastic supporter, clad head-to-toe in Cowboys gear, explained, 'Sure, the other team had more points, but did they have as much style? Our quarterback's hair looked amazing under those lights!' The parade featured marching bands playing remixed versions of victory anthems with lyrics altered to 'We almost didn't lose that bad.'

Head coach Mike McCarthy addressed the crowd from a podium made of recycled participation trophies. 'In today's world, facts are fluid,' he declared. 'The scoreboard says we lost, but my gut says we dominated in vibes. And vibes don't lie – except maybe to the IRS.' McCarthy then unveiled a new team metric called 'Moral Yards Gained,' which apparently awards points for effort, enthusiasm, and how good the post-game snacks were.

Not everyone was on board with the festivities. A lone protester, holding a sign that simply said 'Math Exists,' was quickly booed into submission by the crowd. 'These people are delusional,' he muttered before being pelted with foam fingers. Meanwhile, players paraded by, high-fiving fans and tossing out autographed copies of 'The Art of the Deal' – apparently the team's new playbook.

Jerry Jones, ever the showman, announced plans for a 'Victory Despite Defeat' tour, complete with merchandise like 'We Lost But We're Still America's Team' t-shirts. 'Look, in politics, you can lose by millions and still claim victory,' Jones quipped. 'Why should football be any different? Next week, we're petitioning the NFL to count social media likes as touchdowns.'

The parade culminated in a fireworks display that spelled out '40-0? More Like 0-40 in Our Hearts!' As the smoke cleared, one thing was certain: while the Cowboys may not have won the game, they've mastered the art of winning the narrative – or at least confusing it beyond recognition.

Critics argue this sets a dangerous precedent. 'If teams start celebrating losses, what's next? Participation Super Bowls?' pondered a sports analyst. But for now, Dallas is riding high on denial, proving that in the world of professional sports, reality is just another opponent to be stiff-armed.