In a stunning display of evolutionary prowess, Elmer the Elephant at the San Diego Zoo has traded his peanut-munching routine for a smartphone, becoming the world's first pachyderm influencer. Armed with a trunk that's more dexterous than a Kardashian's contouring skills, Elmer snaps selfies that have gone viral faster than a cat video on steroids. Zoo officials report that Elmer's feed is blowing up, with captions like 'Trunk up if you're feeling fabulous!' racking up millions of likes.

But Elmer isn't content with just fame; he's trunk-deep in legal drama, demanding royalties from every shared post. His lawyer, a slick weasel named Barry, argues that Elmer's intellectual property rights are being trampled. 'My client isn't just posing; he's creating art,' Barry barked in a press conference. Influencers worldwide are quaking in their filters, fearing the precedent could end their reign of sponsored content.

Zoo visitors are flocking to see the spectacle, but not without controversy. Animal rights groups are split: some hail Elmer as a symbol of empowerment, while others worry he's being exploited for likes. 'Who gave the elephant a phone?' demanded one activist. 'Next thing you know, giraffes will be vlogging from the treetops!' Meanwhile, tech companies are scrambling to develop elephant-proof cases, as Elmer's already cracked three screens with his enthusiastic swipes.

The debate has spilled into courtrooms, where judges ponder if animals can hold copyrights. Legal experts cite the famous monkey selfie case, but Elmer's team points out, 'Monkeys fling poop; elephants compose symphonies with their trunks.' Social media giants are sweating, potentially owing Elmer a fortune in back royalties. One exec whispered, 'We thought algorithms were king, but now it's the elephant in the room.'

As Elmer's stardom skyrockets, he's branching out into merchandise: trunk cozies and 'Pachyderm Power' tees. Fans speculate on his next move—perhaps a collab with Dumbo for a Disney reboot. But for now, Elmer lounges in his enclosure, phone in trunk, plotting his empire. In the world of selfies, it seems the biggest beast rules the feed.

Not to be outdone, other zoo animals are getting in on the action. A sly fox has started a podcast, and a parrot is live-tweeting zoo gossip. The animal kingdom's digital revolution is here, and humans might just be the supporting cast. Will Elmer's royalties fund a private savanna? Only time—and the courts—will tell.