In a groundbreaking display of animal activism, Dumbo the elephant at the Central City Zoo has launched a petition demanding an upgrade in his peanut provisions. Using rudimentary sign language taught by his keepers, Dumbo signed, "These peanuts are trash—literally. I want the good stuff, or I'm trunk-slamming the gates." Zoo officials were stunned, as this marks the first time an elephant has formally complained about snack quality rather than just stomping around dramatically.

The petition, scribbled on a massive banana leaf with berry juice, has already garnered signatures from fellow zoo inhabitants. A giraffe reportedly added its mark by dipping its tongue in ink, while a group of monkeys signed in what appears to be chaotic doodles. Dumbo's main gripe? The current peanuts are "nut-ritionally deficient," lacking the premium crunch and flavor of gourmet brands. "It's like feeding a king stale crackers," signed Dumbo, flapping his ears for emphasis.

Zoo nutritionist Dr. Ella Phant dismissed the claims initially, stating, "Our peanuts meet all FDA standards for elephant consumption." But after Dumbo's viral video—where he dramatically spits out a peanut and signs "Blech!"—public outcry has forced a review. Visitors are now divided: some side with Dumbo, chanting "Premium peanuts now!" while others argue it's just an elephant being extra.

The debate has spilled over into animal rights circles, with activists questioning if elephants prefer salted or unsalted varieties. "Salted is too bougie," argued one protester, "but unsalted is basically cardboard." Dumbo, ever the diplomat, signed that he's open to a taste test, provided it's catered by a five-star nut supplier. Meanwhile, the zoo's PR team is scrambling, offering Dumbo a compromise: organic peanuts with a side of hay smoothies.

Not to be outdone, other animals are jumping on the bandwagon. The lions are roaring for better steaks, claiming their current meat is "paws-itively underwhelming." And the penguins? They're sliding petitions for fresher fish, tired of the "frozen fiasco." If Dumbo's movement succeeds, zoos worldwide might face a snack revolution, proving that even the biggest beasts have discerning palates.

In a twist, local peanut farmers are thrilled. "This could boost sales," said one, "as long as elephants don't unionize next." Dumbo, basking in his newfound fame, signed off with a wink: "Power to the pachyderms." Stay tuned as this nutty saga unfolds—will the zoo shell out for better snacks, or will Dumbo's dreams go unsalted?