In a stunning display of pachyderm politics, the elephants at the San Diego Zoo have organized what experts are calling the most efficient election in history. Forget hanging chads or ballot box stuffing—these hefty herbivores settled their differences with a simple trunk raise, voting on the superior peanut brand without a single conspiracy theory in sight.

The event unfolded in the zoo's expansive elephant enclosure, where the herd gathered around a pile of peanuts from competing brands: Crunchy Jumbo and Salty Safari. Zookeepers report that the alpha elephant, affectionately named Dumbo-cratic Leader, initiated the vote by trumpeting a call to order. No filibusters here—just trunks up for yea, trunks down for nay.

Political analysts are baffled by the elephants' ability to reach a consensus without resorting to attack ads or smear campaigns. 'It's like they've evolved beyond the need for divisive rhetoric,' said Dr. Ella Phant, a wildlife behaviorist. 'Meanwhile, human voters are still arguing over whether the moon landing was faked.'

Surprisingly, the election saw 100% voter turnout, with even the youngest calves participating by wiggling their tiny trunks. There were no claims of voter fraud, no demands for audits, and absolutely zero involvement from shadowy super PACs funded by Big Peanut.

Critics of human democracy are now pointing to this elephantine exercise as a model for reform. 'If elephants can pick a peanut without turning it into a circus, why can't we?' quipped one satirical commentator. The zoo plans to expand the program, next letting the giraffes vote on leaf varieties—though that might stretch things a bit.

In the end, Crunchy Jumbo won by a landslide, or should we say trunk-slide, proving once again that when it comes to decision-making, these gentle giants have us beat. Perhaps it's time for humans to take notes—or at least stop monkeying around with our own elections.