In a move that surprised absolutely no one who's been paying attention to his Twitter feed, Elon Musk has officially declared himself the Czar of Mars. Broadcasting from what appears to be a hastily assembled command center in a Tesla factory, Musk announced that he's claiming the Red Planet as his personal domain. 'Earthlings, bow down to your new Martian overlord,' he tweeted, accompanied by a selfie with a crown emoji superimposed on his head.

The declaration comes hot on the heels of Musk's ongoing adventures in rebranding Twitter as X, which he insists is not just a letter but a lifestyle. Now, it seems, he's set his sights on interplanetary domination. Sources close to the billionaire say he's been inspired by too many sci-fi movies and not enough reality checks. 'Why stop at social media when you can rule an entire planet?' Musk reportedly mused during a late-night brainstorming session fueled by energy drinks and ambition.

As part of his new role, Musk is demanding tribute from Earth in the form of memes. 'Gold and jewels are so last millennium,' he explained in a follow-up post. 'I want the dankest memes, the spiciest takes, and maybe a few cat videos thrown in for good measure.' World leaders are scrambling to respond, with some countries already commissioning their best internet trolls to produce content fit for a czar.

Critics are quick to point out the logistical issues with this power grab. For starters, Mars is currently uninhabited except for a few rovers that Musk himself helped send there. 'How does one govern a planet with no subjects?' asked one astronomer, shaking their head. Musk's response? A simple emoji of a rocket ship followed by 'Soon™.'

Meanwhile, SpaceX employees are reportedly thrilled—or terrified, depending on who you ask. 'We're not just building rockets anymore; we're building an empire,' said one engineer anonymously. Musk has already outlined plans for Martian cities, complete with Tesla charging stations and, of course, a giant statue of himself. Earthlings are advised to start practicing their meme-making skills, lest they incur the wrath of the Czar.

In a bizarre twist, Musk has also invited rival billionaires to challenge his claim in what he's calling the 'Interplanetary Thunderdome.' Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg are said to be considering it, though sources indicate they're more focused on their own earthly squabbles. As the world watches this unfold, one thing is clear: in the game of thrones—er, planets—Elon Musk is playing to win, or at least to trend.

Not to be outdone by his own hype, Musk ended his announcement with a poll: 'Should I rename Mars to X-Planet?' The results are pending, but early votes suggest a mix of enthusiasm, eye-rolls, and calls for him to touch grass—preferably on Earth.