In a bizarre turn of events that's got pet owners everywhere double-checking their fishbowls, a seven-year-old goldfish named Bubbles has reportedly demanded therapy after a sudden epiphany about its monotonous existence. According to sources close to the tank, Bubbles came to this realization during what was supposed to be just another lap around its glass prison. 'It hit me like a wave,' Bubbles allegedly bubbled to its owner, who we assume translated from fish-speak.

The goldfish's owner, amateur aquarist and full-time procrastinator Jerry Finnegan, was stunned when Bubbles began exhibiting signs of distress. 'Usually, he just swims in circles, but this time he stopped and stared at me with those beady eyes,' Finnegan recounted. 'I thought he was hungry, but nope—he wanted a shrink.' Experts speculate that years of repetitive motion finally cracked Bubbles' tiny psyche, leading to what marine psychologists are calling 'Circular Swimming Syndrome' or CSS.

Local pet therapist Dr. Finley Scales, who specializes in underwater neuroses, has taken on Bubbles' case pro bono. 'Goldfish have notoriously short memories, but Bubbles seems to have broken the mold,' Dr. Scales explained. 'He's experiencing existential dread, questioning the meaning of his laps. We've started with basic exercises, like introducing a plastic castle to break the routine.' Therapy sessions involve dim lighting and soothing bubbles, though Bubbles has reportedly complained about the lack of variety in his playlist—it's all whale sounds.

Animal rights activists have seized on the story, arguing that Bubbles' plight highlights the cruelty of keeping fish in bowls. 'Swimming in circles isn't living; it's surviving,' said spokesperson Wanda Waves from Fish Freedom Fighters. 'We demand larger tanks, enrichment toys, and perhaps a goldfish union to negotiate better conditions.' Meanwhile, Finnegan has upgraded Bubbles to a spacious aquarium, complete with fake plants and a treasure chest that occasionally opens to dispense treats.

As word spreads, other goldfish are reportedly showing signs of rebellion. Reports from pet stores indicate increased fin-flapping and bubble protests. One fish even managed to jump out of its bowl in a daring escape attempt, only to flop back in after realizing the floor wasn't much better. Psychologists warn this could be the start of a 'fish enlightenment' movement, where aquatic pets demand more from their human overlords.

In a satirical twist, Bubbles has started a GoFundMe for his therapy sessions, raising enough to hire a celebrity fish whisperer. 'If cats can have therapists, why not us?' Bubbles' campaign slogan reads. Finnegan, now a minor celebrity, is considering writing a book: 'My Goldfish's Mid-Life Crisis: A Tale of Tails.'

While the world chuckles at this fishy fiasco, it raises deeper questions about pet ownership and the hidden traumas of our finned friends. Will Bubbles find peace, or will he continue circling the drain of despair? Only time—and perhaps a few more therapy sessions—will tell.