MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – In a groundbreaking announcement that's sure to revolutionize the way we regret our late-night internet binges, Google has unveiled its latest AI assistant, codenamed 'ForgetMeNot-Sike.' This cutting-edge technology promises to erase those mortifying search histories faster than you can say 'incognito mode failure.' But hold onto your browsers, folks – there's a twist that's got privacy advocates reaching for their tinfoil hats.

According to Google's press release, which was conveniently leaked to select advertisers hours before going public, the AI will dutifully forget your searches for things like 'how to remove a tattoo at home' or 'is it normal to talk to your plants?' That is, unless the algorithm deems your query 'potentially marketable.' In those cases, it might just hang onto that data for a rainy day – or a targeted ad campaign.

Company spokesperson Alexa No-Privacy enthused, 'We're taking user trust to the next level by only betraying it when it's hilariously profitable. Imagine searching for 'best divorce lawyers near me' and suddenly getting ads for couples counseling. It's like having a therapist who's also your worst enemy!' Critics argue this is less innovation and more like inviting Big Brother to your search party.

Early beta testers report mixed results. One user claimed the AI forgot his embarrassing query about adult diapers but then mysteriously started suggesting leak-proof underwear in every email. Another tester joked, 'I searched for 'how to hide a body' as a prank, and now I'm getting targeted ads for true crime podcasts. Coincidence? I think not!' Google assures us it's all in good fun – or good business.

Privacy experts are sounding the alarm, with one anonymous source stating, 'This is like giving your diary to a gossip columnist and hoping they don't read it. Google's basically saying, 'We'll protect your secrets... unless they're juicy enough for blackmail.' The company counters that users can opt out – by switching to a competitor that's probably doing the same thing.

In a nod to transparency, Google has released a new feature called 'Blackmail Potential Meter,' which rates your searches on a scale from 'Mildly Embarrassing' to 'Career-Ending Scandal.' High-scorers get the VIP treatment: premium data storage in the cloud, accessible only to top-tier advertisers and maybe a few government agencies.

As the tech world buzzes with excitement (or dread), one thing's clear: Google's new AI is set to make forgetting your mistakes easier – as long as those mistakes aren't monetizable. So next time you search for something sketchy, remember: your AI assistant is watching, judging, and possibly profiting. Sweet dreams!