In a twist that surprised absolutely no one who's ever seen a blockbuster, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has swept the Oscars with his latest masterpiece: a biopic about, well, himself. Titled "Rock Solid: The Dwayne Johnson Story," the film chronicles the actor's rise from wrestling rings to Hollywood stardom, all while Johnson pulls triple duty as star, director, and even the craft services guy. Critics are calling it the pinnacle of self-love cinema, with one reviewer noting, "It's like if Narcissus had a camera crew."

The movie opens with a dramatic reenactment of Johnson's birth, where baby Dwayne bursts out flexing his tiny biceps. From there, it dives into his wrestling days, complete with CGI enhancements to make his muscles look even more impossibly huge. Johnson, ever the method actor, insisted on playing every role himself, including his own mother in a controversial drag sequence that had audiences both laughing and questioning their life choices.

Not content with just acting and directing, Johnson also handled the soundtrack, belting out power ballads about perseverance and protein shakes. The film's climax features a heartfelt monologue where Johnson talks to a mirror version of himself, debating the merits of pineapple on pizza. Spoiler: Mirror Dwayne wins the argument.

At the Oscars, the film clinched the newly created category for Most Self-Indulgent Film, beating out stiff competition from other ego-driven projects. Johnson's acceptance speech was a 15-minute ode to his own awesomeness, complete with bicep curls using the statuette. "This is for all the little Rocks out there dreaming big," he said, wiping away a single, perfectly timed tear.

Industry insiders are buzzing about the meta-narcissism. "It's not just a biopic; it's a love letter to Dwayne, written by Dwayne, for Dwayne," gushed one producer. Even rivals like Ryan Reynolds tweeted their congratulations, albeit with a side of sarcasm: "Congrats, Rock. Next time, maybe let someone else hold the camera?"

But not everyone's on board. Some critics argue the film sets a dangerous precedent for Hollywood egos. "If this wins, what's next? A movie where the director plays God?" pondered a film blogger. Johnson, undeterred, is already planning a sequel: "Rock Harder: The Making of Rock Solid."

In the end, whether you love it or hate it, "Rock Solid" proves one thing: in Hollywood, self-indulgence isn't just accepted—it's award-winning. Just don't expect Johnson to share the spotlight anytime soon.