In a plot twist that even the most creative screenwriters couldn't dream up, Hollywood's A-listers have decided to strike—not for better pay or residuals, but for the right to quit acting altogether. Sources close to the picket lines report that stars like Tom Cruise and Scarlett Johansson are fed up with dodging green screens and are now eyeing gigs at local fast-food joints. "I've jumped off buildings, fought aliens, and saved the world a dozen times," one anonymous actor lamented. "But nothing compares to the thrill of asking, 'Do you want fries with that?'"
The mass exodus began when a leaked memo from a major studio revealed plans for yet another superhero reboot. "We're tired of capes and tights," protested a group of former Marvel stars, who were seen trading their spandex for aprons at a Beverly Hills In-N-Out. Industry insiders speculate this could be the end of blockbuster cinema as we know it, with directors scrambling to cast AI-generated holograms in leading roles. But hey, at least the holograms won't demand artisanal craft services.
Not all celebrities are flipping burgers, though. Some are branching out into more 'realistic' careers. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson announced he's training to become an actual rock—er, geologist—while Emma Stone is reportedly enrolling in stonemasonry school. "It's time to get our hands dirty for real," Stone quipped, holding up a chisel instead of an Oscar. The strike has even inspired a new reality show pitch: "From Red Carpets to Real Jobs," where viewers vote on which celeb gets stuck with the worst minimum-wage nightmare.
Studio executives are in panic mode, offering concessions like "fewer explosions and more meaningful dialogue." But the actors aren't biting. "We've pretended to care about saving the planet from CGI villains long enough," said a striking performer. "Now we want to tackle real issues, like undercooked patties and rude customers." Economists predict a boom in the service industry, as Hollywood's elite flood diners and coffee shops, potentially leading to the most overqualified baristas in history.
Critics are divided on the strike's impact. Some hail it as a bold stand against typecasting, while others worry about the void in escapist entertainment. "Who will inspire our dreams of heroism now?" asked one fan, only to be interrupted by a former action star slinging lattes. As the picket lines grow, one thing's clear: Hollywood's next big hit might just be a documentary about celebrities learning to use a cash register. Stay tuned—or don't, because these stars sure aren't pretending anymore.
In a surprising turn, some actors have found their new callings oddly fulfilling. "I used to emote for millions; now I emote for tips," shared a once-famous face now working as a cab driver. The strike has sparked solidarity from unexpected quarters, with fast-food workers offering crash courses in customer service. "Welcome to the real world," one burger flipper told a teary-eyed celeb. "Here, the only special effects are the grease fires."
