In a stunning display of rodent rebellion, a group of Central Park squirrels has officially unionized under the banner of the United Squirrels of America (USA). Led by the charismatic and bushy-tailed organizer, Nutty McFlufferson, these furry activists are demanding better working conditions, including access to premium, organic acorns and the immediate dismantling of those infuriating bird feeder baffles that turn every snack raid into an Olympic-level obstacle course.

The protest kicked off at dawn, with squirrels scampering across the Great Lawn, holding tiny picket signs made from discarded popsicle sticks. Slogans like 'No Nuts, No Glory!' and 'Baffles Be Gone!' echoed through the trees, drawing confused stares from joggers and hot dog vendors alike. McFlufferson, speaking through a makeshift acorn megaphone, declared, 'We've been hoarding for humans long enough—it's time they share the wealth without all the anti-squirrel tech!'

Park officials were caught off guard by the organized chaos. One ranger, who wished to remain anonymous, admitted, 'We thought it was just another pigeon uprising, but these squirrels mean business. They've even blocked the paths with piles of half-eaten pretzels as a form of civil disobedience.' The union's demands also include shorter winters, more picnic leftovers, and mandatory squirrel-sized hammocks in every oak tree.

Not everyone is on board with the strikers. Local birds, particularly a flock of indignant pigeons, have counter-protested, claiming the feeders are their turf. 'Those squirrels are just greedy fluffballs,' cooed one pigeon spokesperson. 'If they get rid of the baffles, we'll be left with nothing but crumbs and regret.' Tensions escalated when a squirrel allegedly flicked a nut at a passing sparrow, sparking fears of an inter-species turf war.

Experts in urban wildlife are weighing in on the brouhaha. Dr. Elena Whiskertail, a professor of Rodent Sociology at NYU, explained, 'This is a classic case of resource inequality. Squirrels have been marginalized by human-engineered feeders for years. It's like putting a moat around a buffet and expecting the guests not to swim.'

As the day wore on, the protest attracted celebrity endorsements. A passing dog walker claimed to have seen a squirrel version of Bernie Sanders rallying the troops, while rumors swirl that Elon Musk is developing a 'SquirrelX' app to amplify their chittering demands online. Park visitors, meanwhile, are divided—some are tossing extra peanuts in solidarity, others are just trying to enjoy their bagels without furry interruptions.

The city has yet to respond officially, but insiders hint at negotiations involving bulk shipments of hazelnuts and baffle redesigns. If talks fail, the squirrels threaten a full-scale nut embargo, which could leave Central Park looking like a barren wasteland by fall. One thing's for sure: in the concrete jungle, even the smallest creatures are learning to fight for their piece of the pie—or in this case, the acorn.