New York City's Central Park, usually a haven for picnickers and pigeons, turned into a scene from a rodent rebellion movie yesterday when a gang of squirrels executed what they're calling the 'Great Nut Liberation.' Eyewitnesses reported seeing dozens of bushy-tailed activists scampering across paths, stuffing their cheeks with acorns faster than a Wall Street trader grabs bonuses. Park rangers were left scratching their heads, wondering if they'd accidentally wandered into a Disney film gone wrong.

The mastermind behind this nutty caper is reportedly a squirrel named Whiskers McFluff, a self-proclaimed 'acorn anarchist' who's been rallying his furry comrades via chittering town halls in the treetops. 'We've had enough of humans hoarding our nuts for their fancy trail mixes,' McFluff declared in a statement translated by a dubious park interpreter. The squirrels' demands include better acorn rights, including fair trade agreements with oak trees and veto power over any squirrel-themed Halloween decorations.

Joggers and tourists were caught off guard as the heist unfolded. One bewildered runner, mid-stride, found himself dodging a barrage of falling acorns strategically dropped from branches above. 'It was like raining nuts! I thought it was some kind of performance art,' said local fitness enthusiast Jane Doe, who now swears off granola bars for life. Benches that once held scattered snacks were stripped bare, leaving only crumbs and confusion in their wake.

Not content with mere theft, the squirrels escalated their protest by blockading popular walking paths with piles of pilfered peanuts. 'This is our park too!' read tiny banners fashioned from discarded napkins. Authorities attempted to intervene, but their efforts were thwarted by the squirrels' superior agility and what appeared to be a well-coordinated distraction tactic involving fake bird calls. One ranger admitted, 'We were outmaneuvered by creatures that bury their food and forget where it is.'

In a twist that has animal rights groups cheering and nut farmers quaking, the squirrels have vowed to continue their campaign until their demands are met. Plans for a 'Nut March on City Hall' are already in the works, complete with acorn floats and squirrel-sized picket signs. Experts speculate this could be the start of a larger movement, with pigeons and raccoons eyeing their own uprisings. 'If squirrels can do it, why not us?' cooed a nearby dove, suspiciously eyeing a hot dog vendor.

As the sun set on Central Park, the trees stood eerily bare, a testament to the squirrels' successful heist. While humans ponder how to negotiate with wildlife, one thing is clear: the next time you hear rustling in the bushes, it might not be the wind—it could be the revolution. Stay tuned to NNTN for updates on this developing story, because in the world of satire, even the squirrels are getting political.