In a plot twist that even the most seasoned thriller writers couldn't concoct, a band of audacious squirrels has reportedly orchestrated a daring nut heist right under the noses of Central Park's finest rangers. Dubbed the 'Acorn Avengers' by amused onlookers, these furry felons donned disguises made from actual acorns, blending seamlessly into the park's landscape like tiny, bushy-tailed ninjas.

Park Ranger Bob Wilkins, still reeling from the incident, recounted the chaos: 'One minute I'm patrolling the nut storage depot, and the next, I'm surrounded by what I thought were just oversized acorns rolling towards me. Turns out, they were squirrels in camouflage, chattering orders like they were in a heist movie.' The rangers' attempts to intervene were thwarted by the squirrels' clever use of decoy nuts and synchronized tail flicks that distracted the humans long enough for the getaway.

Eyewitnesses claim the operation was led by a particularly shrewd squirrel named Nutty McSqueak, rumored to have a rap sheet longer than a winter's hibernation. 'He had this glint in his eye, like he was born for crime,' said one jogger who paused her run to watch the spectacle. The gang made off with an estimated 500 pounds of premium nuts, leaving behind only empty shells and a trail of bewildered birds wondering where their snacks went.

Authorities are scratching their heads, pondering how to beef up security against such pint-sized perpetrators. Proposals include installing squirrel-sized metal detectors and training hawks as aerial surveillance, but skeptics argue that might just escalate the arms race in the animal kingdom. 'If we start arming birds, what's next? Armadillos with bazookas?' quipped a local comedian moonlighting as a park vendor.

The heist has sparked a wave of squirrel solidarity across the city, with social media buzzing about #NutRevolution. Memes depicting squirrels in tiny fedoras and trench coats are going viral, and some New Yorkers are even leaving out extra nuts in a show of support—or perhaps fear of retaliation. Park officials, however, warn against encouraging the rodents, fearing a full-blown uprising.

In a bizarre turn, the stolen nuts were later spotted being redistributed in underground squirrel markets, traded for shiny bottle caps and lost earrings. Economists are baffled, suggesting this could disrupt the global nut trade. 'Who knew squirrels had a black market? Next thing you know, they'll be shorting stocks on Wall Street,' joked financial analyst Debra Cashflow.

As the sun sets on Central Park, rangers vow to crack down, but the Acorn Avengers remain at large, tails held high. Will this be the start of a new era of rodent rebellion, or just another nutty day in the Big Apple? Only time—and perhaps a few well-placed traps—will tell.