In a bold move that's shaking the branches of Central Park, a feisty group of squirrels has declared themselves the United Squirrels Workers Union (USWU). Armed with tiny picket signs made from discarded acorn caps, these furry activists are demanding better 'nut wages' and shorter winter hours, claiming that the current foraging economy is nuts—literally.

The protest kicked off at dawn, with squirrels scampering across lawns and chattering slogans like 'No Nuts, No Glory!' and 'Hibernation Is a Right, Not a Luxury!' Union leader Nutty McFluffytail, a grizzled veteran with a bushy tail and a no-nonsense attitude, addressed the crowd from atop a park bench. 'We've been hoarding for humans' entertainment long enough,' he squeaked. 'It's time for fair pay in hazelnuts and mandatory breaks during blizzards!'

Demands include a minimum wage of 10 premium nuts per hour, up from the current scavenging scraps, and reduced winter shifts to allow for proper hibernation. Protesters point to skyrocketing tree rent prices, blaming urban development and those pesky bird feeders that attract competition. 'The pigeons are undercutting us,' complained one anonymous squirrel, twitching her nose indignantly.

Park officials were caught off guard, with one ranger overheard muttering, 'I thought they were just playing tag.' In response, the city has formed a task force to negotiate, but sources say they're lowballing with offers of stale peanuts. 'We won't settle for peanuts,' McFluffytail retorted, 'unless they're honey-roasted.'

The movement has gone viral on SquirrelTok, with videos of synchronized tail-flicking dances amassing millions of views. Celebrities like the park's resident wise old owl have weighed in, hooting support for the cause. However, not everyone's on board—local dogs are reportedly forming an anti-union pack, barking about disrupted fetch games.

As the standoff continues, economists warn of potential ripple effects: a nut shortage could lead to higher prices at farmers' markets, and if squirrels win hibernation rights, who knows—maybe cats will demand longer naps next. For now, the USWU stands firm, proving that even the smallest creatures can make a big fuss when pushed to the edge of the branch.

In a twist, some squirrels are pushing for dental benefits, citing the toll of cracking tough walnuts. 'Our teeth are our tools,' said a union rep. 'Without them, we're just fluffy rats with attitude.'