In a world where equality is supposedly the norm, BigPharma Inc. has dropped a bombshell with their latest product: the 'Caucasian Confidence Booster,' a pill that promises to enhance certain anatomical features but only for those with the right skin tone.

Company executives, clad in lab coats that probably cost more than your rent, explained that the pill's formula was 'scientifically tailored' to work exclusively on individuals of European descent, citing vague studies about melanin interfering with the active ingredients. It's like they decided to solve one problem by creating a whole new one.

Critics are already lining up to mock the absurdity, pointing out that if we're going to have body-enhancing drugs, they should at least pretend to be inclusive. One expert quipped, 'It's as if they read the room and thought, "Nah, let's make it exclusive."'

The pill's side effects include temporary glow-ups in self-esteem, but only if you're the right shade, along with potential allergic reactions for anyone else who dares to try it—proving once again that not all innovations are created equal.

Famous endorsers, including a fictional celebrity who's always been vocal about his heritage, have jumped on board, claiming it's a 'game-changer for the genetically blessed.' Meanwhile, the rest of the world is left wondering if this is progress or just another way to divide the locker room.

In the end, while the pill might boost sales for BigPharma, it's a stark reminder that in the quest for personal improvement, some folks are still drawing lines in the sand—and they're probably the ones who don't need the help anyway.

Stay tuned for the inevitable lawsuit, because if there's one thing America loves more than innovation, it's a good old-fashioned discrimination debate.