In a bold move that's shaking the branches of parks across America, squirrels have officially unionized under the banner of the United Squirrels Workers (USW). The furry activists are demanding better acorn benefits, including dental coverage for those pesky walnut mishaps, and shorter winters to reduce hibernation-related stress. "We've been hoarding nuts for too long without fair compensation," squeaked union leader Nutty McFluffytail during a press conference held atop a particularly tall oak tree.

The strike began early this morning, with squirrels picketing around bird feeders and refusing to scatter when dogs approached. Park-goers were stunned as the usually frantic rodents formed orderly lines, holding tiny signs that read "No Nuts, No Glory" and "Winter is Coming... But It Shouldn't Last So Long." Authorities report that while acorn stockpiles are dwindling, bird feeders remain suspiciously untouched, leading to theories of an interspecies alliance or perhaps just squirrel snobbery.

Union demands include a 401(k) plan matched by acorn contributions from Mother Nature herself, paid vacation days during peak foraging seasons, and mandatory siestas to combat the exhaustion of constant tail-flicking. "We're tired of being treated like second-class rodents," declared McFluffytail, who claims the union was inspired by watching too many episodes of 'The Office' on discarded smartphones. Human labor experts are baffled, wondering if this could set a precedent for other wildlife, like rabbits demanding carrot subsidies.

Park rangers are scrambling to negotiate, offering compromises like extended fall seasons and acorn-flavored energy bars. However, the squirrels remain steadfast, with some even threatening to invade suburban attics if their demands aren't met. "We've got the numbers and the agility," warned a striker, deftly dodging a thrown frisbee. Meanwhile, local birds are enjoying the peace, chirping about how nice it is without those "nutty neighbors" raiding their seeds.

As the strike drags on, economists predict a ripple effect on the ecosystem. Without squirrels burying acorns, tree populations could plummet, leading to a shortage of shade for picnickers. One satirical expert quipped, "If squirrels get shorter winters, what's next? Bears demanding year-round picnics?" The USW has scheduled a rally for tomorrow, promising speeches, acorn tosses, and perhaps a guest appearance by a disgruntled groundhog tired of weather predictions.

In a twist that's got everyone scratching their heads, the union has also called for equality in nut distribution, pointing out that chipmunks get all the cute press while squirrels do the heavy lifting. "We're the real MVPs of the park," McFluffytail asserted, fluffing his tail for emphasis. As negotiations continue, one thing's clear: this squirrel uprising is nuts, and it's only getting nuttier.