SAN FRANCISCO – In what investors are calling the next big thing since sliced bread (or at least since the last failed NFT project), startup TechYell has launched its flagship app, RestartRage, which does exactly one thing: it yells 'Did you try restarting?' at users for the low, low price of 99 cents per month.

Founded by former barista and self-proclaimed tech guru Chad 'Innovation' Broski, the app taps into the timeless wisdom of IT departments worldwide. 'We've all been there,' Broski explained in a press release written on a napkin. 'Your phone freezes, your laptop bluescreens, and instead of wasting time on forums or calling support, RestartRage is there to berate you into action with the enthusiasm of a drill sergeant on caffeine.'

The app's interface is deceptively simple: open it, and a booming voice – customizable in accents from Brooklyn tough guy to polite British butler – blasts the magic phrase. Premium subscribers get extras like 'Have you plugged it in?' for an additional 49 cents, but Broski insists the core feature is 'disruptive enough to change lives.'

Critics are divided. Tech blogger Lena Glitch called it 'the laziest cash grab since bottled air,' while venture capitalists have poured in $5 million in seed funding, hailing it as 'the Uber of obvious advice.' One investor, speaking anonymously, admitted, 'It's genius. People pay for therapy apps that say 'breathe deeply,' so why not this?'

Early users report mixed results. 'It saved my marriage,' gushed one reviewer on the App Store. 'My wife was about to throw my computer out the window, but the app yelled at her first.' Others were less impressed: 'I paid 99 cents for an app that my grandma could've told me for free? What a scam.'

TechYell isn't stopping at restarts. Future updates promise expansions into 'Did you Google it?' and 'Is it turned on?' modes, with a enterprise version for corporations that auto-yells at employees during outages. Broski dreams big: 'Someday, RestartRage will be in every home, screaming solutions so you don't have to think.'

In a world where apps track your steps, moods, and bowel movements, RestartRage stands out for its sheer audacity. As one satirical commentator put it, 'Finally, an app that treats users like the idiots we all secretly are.' Whether it's the future of tech or just another bubble waiting to burst, one thing's for sure: if it crashes, have you tried restarting?