In a twist that no one saw coming—except maybe her army of psychic fans—Taylor Swift unleashed her latest album yesterday, sparking what health officials are calling a 'global earworm pandemic.' The album, titled something poetic like 'Melodies of Eternal Agony' or whatever, has already infected over 50 million listeners worldwide. Symptoms include spontaneous outbursts of off-key singing in public places and an inexplicable craving for overpriced merchandise.

Doctors are baffled but not surprised. 'We've seen this before with her previous releases,' said Dr. Melody Strain from the Center for Infectious Tunes. 'But this one's a super-spreader. One listen, and you're humming choruses in the shower, at work, even during important meetings. It's like the flu, but with better production values.'

Swifties, as her devoted followers are known, are embracing the outbreak like it's the new black. Social media is flooded with videos of people dancing uncontrollably in grocery stores, mouthing lyrics while ignoring expiration dates. One viral clip shows a boardroom executive belting out a ballad mid-presentation, turning a quarterly report into an impromptu karaoke session.

Critics warn of long-term effects. 'This could lead to a surge in concert ticket scalping and a shortage of glitter,' joked economist Barry Bucks. Economists predict the pandemic will boost the global economy by billions, thanks to impulse buys of Swift-branded everything from socks to soy lattes.

Meanwhile, anti-vaxxers for music are protesting, claiming the album's hooks are 'mind control devices' engineered in a secret lab. 'Don't get vaccinated against bad taste!' one protester shouted, while ironically humming the lead single under his breath.

Swift herself remains unfazed, tweeting from her fortress of solitude (probably a mansion with a moat of adoring fans). 'If my music is a pandemic, then consider me Patient Zero,' she wrote, accompanied by a winky emoji that sent sales skyrocketing another 10%.

As the world grapples with this melodic mayhem, one thing's clear: resistance is futile. So plug in those earbuds, surrender to the Swift-pocalypse, and remember—humming is contagious, but at least it's catchy.