In a rally that had supporters literally jumping for joy—though not defying gravity just yet—former President Donald Trump announced his latest triumph: conquering the so-called 'hoax' of gravity. Speaking to a crowd in Florida, Trump declared, 'I've beaten it, folks. Gravity is fake news, pushed by the deep state and that loser Isaac Newton. We're going to make America float again!' The announcement came amid cheers and a few puzzled looks from physicists in the audience who weren't invited.

Trump elaborated on his groundbreaking 'discovery,' claiming he developed anti-gravity technology in his spare time between golf swings and tweeting. 'It's tremendous, the best anti-gravity you've ever seen. No more falling down—unless you're a Democrat, then you deserve it,' he quipped. Sources close to the former president say the tech involves 'a lot of hot air and some very stable genius,' but details remain classified under 'executive levitation privilege.'

Not one to let historical figures off the hook, Trump vowed to sue Sir Isaac Newton posthumously for spreading 'fake physics.' 'Newton? Total fraud. His apple story? Rigged! Probably dropped by Hillary,' Trump ranted. Legal experts are scratching their heads, wondering how one sues a 17th-century scientist, but Trump's team insists they've got a 'gravitational pull' in the courts.

The rally featured demonstrations, including Trump attempting to levitate a MAGA hat, which suspiciously stayed aloft thanks to an unseen string—or was it sheer willpower? Supporters were ecstatic, with one attendee saying, 'Finally, someone standing up to Big Physics!' Critics, however, called it 'the height of absurdity,' pun very much intended.

In a twist, Trump tied his victory to national policy, promising floating cities if re-elected. 'No more traffic jams— we'll all be zooming around like Superman, but with better hair.' He dismissed centuries of scientific consensus as 'a witch hunt by egghead elites.' NASA officials declined to comment, reportedly too busy rolling on the floor laughing.

As the speech wrapped up, Trump challenged opponents to a 'float-off,' daring Joe Biden to prove he can defy gravity without 'sleepy' naps. The crowd erupted, chanting 'Lock up Newton!' Whether this marks a new era in pseudoscience or just another rally sideshow, one thing's clear: in Trump's world, the sky's not the limit—it's the starting point.