In a development that's equal parts adorable and absurd, the penguins at the Central City Zoo have apparently traded their icy enclosures for the cutthroat world of tech startups. Dubbed 'On Ice Prime,' their new venture promises to deliver premium, sustainably sourced fish right to your doorstep—or beak—within 30 minutes, complete with a guarantee of 'no thawing necessary.'

The masterminds behind this feathered fiasco are led by Emperor Eddie, a particularly ambitious penguin who's been spotted waddling around with a tiny briefcase and a Bluetooth headset. 'We've been sliding on ice our whole lives,' Eddie squawked in a press release. 'Now, we're sliding into your lives with the freshest fish this side of Antarctica. Forget drones; we've got flipper power!'

Critics are already calling it the next big thing in the gig economy, or perhaps just a slippery scam. Zoo officials claim they had no idea their avian residents were plotting world domination via app-based delivery, but sources say the penguins have been smuggling in smartphones hidden in fish barrels for months.

The service isn't without its perks: subscribers get 'Prime Perks' like exclusive access to penguin podcasts on ice fishing techniques and a loyalty program where every tenth fish comes with a free belly slide tutorial video. But beware, late deliveries come with a penalty—a squad of penguins showing up to perform an interpretive dance of disappointment.

Environmentalists are up in arms, or flippers, arguing that this could disrupt natural food chains. 'Penguins delivering fish? That's like cats starting a mouse Uber,' quipped one activist. Meanwhile, rival startups like 'Seal Eats' are already plotting countermeasures, promising seal-approved seafood with a side of walrus wisdom.

As the app launches next week, beta testers report mixed results: some rave about the 'chill factor,' while others complain of deliveries arriving with a side of unsolicited penguin puns. One user tweeted, 'My salmon came with a note: Stay cool, dude. #OnIcePrime.'

In the end, whether 'On Ice Prime' takes off or belly-flops remains to be seen. But one thing's for sure: in the world of startups, these penguins are proving that sometimes, the best ideas come from the coldest places. Just don't ask about their venture capital—rumor has it, it's funded by frozen assets.