Basketball pros petition for padded attire, arguing that hardwood courts are basically medieval torture devices in disguise.

A gang of bushy-tailed bandits raids suburban bird feeders, citing global warming as the real culprit behind their empty winter stockpiles.

A-listers band together, insisting that without exaggerated facial expressions, their Oscar chances plummet faster than a box office flop.

Sources reveal that President Biden's eloquent addresses were pieced together from Chinese takeout wisdom, explaining the cryptic advice on foreign policy.

In a bold move to outpace competitors, Apple unveils a neural chip that deciphers thoughts, but critics say it's just another way to sell more apps.