The NFL legend hangs up his cleats for good, announcing a new venture in competitive sleeping, where he plans to dominate by out-snoozing rivals in marathon siestas.

A coalition of park squirrels stages a protest, acorn signs in paw, calling for fair compensation in hazelnuts and mandatory hibernation breaks amid rising tree rent prices.

Swift's latest release features tracks like 'Avocado Blues' and 'Milk Run Heartbreak,' proving that even mundane errands can top the charts when sung by a pop icon.

President Biden confuses a high-stakes diplomatic meeting with a dessert run, insisting on chocolate chips for international treaties and baffling world leaders with his sweet tooth diplomacy.

In a bold move, Apple unveils a neural chip that enhances cognition but requires a monthly payment to unlock full brainpower, leaving users pondering if intelligence is worth the recurring bill.